Hi Friend
Last week I asked you this:
Where do you consistently put yourself last? And what is one act of self care, the unexpected kind, that you can commit to this week?
I hinted at my answer in last week's newsletter when I admitted I had not been making my health a priority. Well. I went back to the gym this week. I even posted it on my Instagram stories for a little public accountability.
But wrapped inside that return was a much bigger lesson about how I have done self care my entire life.
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The all or nothing problem
I have been an all or nothing kind of woman for as long as I can remember.
I am either all in or I am not in. There is very little grey. I am either jumping off the bridge or I am not even walking onto it. I tend to jump too hard, too fast, and too soon. And when I am off, I am all the way off.
When my life was only about my body and my weight, I would hit the gym hard. So hard I would end up injured. Once I was on a rowing machine next to a firefighter who was twenty years younger than me. Instead of keeping my own pace I tried to keep up with his. Of course I did. Because all or nothing means I do not get to be a fifty-something woman on a rowing machine. I have to be the firefighter.
I have never learned to eat an elephant in small bites. I eat it whole or I do not eat it at all.
I used to decide not to eat and then not eat for days. In my menopausal years I have done water fasts of three, five, even ten days, and I know the real health benefits those give me. I no longer do them for weight loss. But the pattern is still there. All or nothing.
So when I decided to go back to the gym this week, my old self started doing what she has always done. She booked the sculpt class. She booked the heavy lift class. And then she cancelled them. Because going from zero to heavy lifting after months away from the gym is not a return. It is another injury waiting to happen.
I finally had to ask myself an honest question.
Can I meet myself where I actually am?
Not where I used to be. Not where I think I should be. Not where the woman I am comparing myself to is. Where I actually am, right now, in this body, in this season.
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What that actually looked like
I booked an antigravity class. It did not burn a single calorie. But I felt so beautifully open afterwards that I wanted to cry.
I booked a hot yin yoga class. I sweated through it. I did not die.
Will I get back to lifting heavy? I think so. But if all I am doing right now is moving for mobility, that is good enough. That is self care.
I know that lifting heavy two days a week is what the research says my body needs at this age. I know all of that. But right now that is not in reach. This is. And meeting myself where I actually am is the only way I will ever get to where I am going.
There is something else I noticed about how I used to do self care. I always scheduled my gym time around everything else. Around the obligations of the people in my life. Around the calls and the appointments and the things other people needed from me. The gym was the thing that got moved when something else came up.
This week I scheduled it first.
I will tell you, that one small change felt like a quiet revolution. Because what you put first in your calendar is what you have actually decided matters.
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A question to carry with you
If you have an all or nothing voice in your head too, I want to invite you to notice her. She is not the enemy. She is just exhausted from the bridge jumping. What she actually needs is permission to take the smaller step. The walk instead of the marathon. The class she will actually go to instead of the punishing one she will cancel. The honest meal instead of the perfect plan.
You do not have to be the firefighter on the rowing machine.
You just have to start.
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Do you want an accountability partner?
This is the part I want to offer you this week.
Posting on Instagram and telling you here that I was going back to the gym genuinely helped me show up. Naming a commitment out loud, to another person, makes it real in a way that promises to ourselves rarely do.
So if you are ready to commit to one small act of self care this week, the kind that meets you where you actually are, I am here to be that person for you. Reply to this email and tell me what you are committing to. I will hold it for you. I will check in. I will be glad to do it.
You do not need a coach. You do not need a programme. You just need one woman who is also showing up for herself, witnessing your version of it.
I am here for that.
If not me find a friend to be that support. We are here for each other, community is important.
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Your question for next week
Where in your life are you still living by all or nothing? And what would it look like to give yourself permission to choose the middle, just this once?
Sit with it. Reply if something moves in you and I will answer it myself next week.
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If you want to start hearing her again, the Unearth Your Yes questions are waiting for you at www.karenamy.com/free-resources
REMINDER: The Crone Stories launches June 13th. · · ·
The life we don't examine stays the life we didn't choose.
In love, light and laughter — Karen
P.S. One small favour. If these letters have been resonating with you or helping you in any way, would you consider sharing them with a friend who might need them too, or on social media if you feel called to? I am building this slowly and honestly, and the women who find it through you are the ones who tend to stay. Thank you for being here.